When we lose our beloved people (especially if we’ve lived 20 or 30 wonderful years with them), grief and despair overwhelm us. First, we can’t believe that a dear soulmate has passed away. Then, we have to adjust to a new life without a close person. Typically, it’s a daunting task since everything reminds us of an ex-partner.
Finally, we realize that life goes on, and some of us may decide to start looking for another wife or husband. Let’s see what difficulties may a widower face once he decides to connect his life with a new love.
- 1 What to expect from a widower?
- 2 Dating a Grieving Widower: Red Flags to Beware
As family therapists stress, it’s not easy for a widower to fall in love again. More precisely, a widower will either love a new female partner or simply fall for the sympathy she may feel for him. If the latter is the case, it will take him much time to consider a new woman as a potential romantic partner.
As we know, people are attracted to each other on the basis of their similar interests, and widowers aren’t an exception to this rule. A widower may try to engage in a relationship with a woman who reminds him of his late wife. Why is it dangerous for a new partner? Because a man will be constantly drawing parallels between his late wife and another woman who may faithfully love him.
On one hand, such behavior of a man who has recently lost his wife is natural since he’s got used to the image of his beloved woman. Thus, he needs much time to forget her (or at least to stop thinking about her) and free some space for a new potential partner. On the other hand, no one likes constant comparison with others, and women are extremely sensitive about this issue.
It follows from this that a widower may always want his new partner to behave the same way his last wife did, dress, cook, etc. As a result, he may fail to appreciate another woman’s essence so that he will be ready to end a relationship once it comes to his mind that she can’t replace his beloved ex-wife.
According to psychologists, widowers eagerly engage in a new relationship or even marry a woman they don’t really love. It happens so since they can’t stand the feeling of emptiness and loneliness after their wife’s loss. For this reason, they may fall for any woman who is determined to sofiadate.com them and who is interested in them.
Moreover, a widower often treats a new woman very chivalrously. His romantic spirit may be so strong that a potential wife won’t have the slightest doubts about his feelings. The idea that her man is leading a fierce fight with loneliness may never come to her mind.
Without a doubt, a new woman will notice her date’s depressed emotional state as long as he will be grieving for his late wife’s loss. She may want to console him and then find out that her man doesn’t want to open up. What is worse, sometimes he may rudely mention that he won’t let you intrude on his privacy.
However, psychologists believe that if a widower considers a woman as his potential romantic match, he should open up from time to time. Unless he does it, it will be very hard for a future female partner to find a common language with him.
Dating a recent widower is very challenging, and here come these problematic points.
First of all, let’s make it clear that at an initial stage of a relationship, it’s quite normal for a widower to hide his new female friend from friends and family. The point is that the majority of widowers start dating long before their family is ready to accept another woman in their circle. This is where the fear of introduction comes from.
Nevertheless, a widower who really values his new girlfriend and sees a future with her will be determined to introduce her to his closest people no matter how difficult it may be. That’s why the very fact of a woman’s introduction to a widower’s beloved people is a clear indication of his intentions.
Despite the fact that women are known as compassionate listeners, no lady will like hours-long monologues about another female. On one hand, it’s clear that a man can’t easily forget his late wife; on the other hand, he shouldn’t insert memories about her into every conversation or activity he engages in with a new partner.
Therefore, if a widower cannot leave the past behind and gets stuck there, such a relationship is doomed. Of course, a woman may give him time and chances to improve; but if such behavior on her man’s side lasts for too long, she is likely to leave him for good.
A lot of widowers have the same problem. While searching for another potential match on dating sites, they subconsciously apply the filters that describe their late wife. The same appearance, height, hobbies, and interests. By itself, such similarities aren’t a warning sign.
A woman should be alert when she notices the following behavior of a widower:
· verbal comparison with a deceased wife;
· he constantly underlines your physical resemblance;
· asks to behave like his late wife did or dress the same way;
· refuses to go to new places with her; instead, he is taking her to the venues he attended with his deceased wife.
What’s wrong with this point? At first glance, it’s quite obvious that we keep memories about dear people and try not to let them go. Also, it seems to us that we will betray a beloved one if we put away all their photos, for instance. But let’s consider another standpoint.
If a widower’s new partner comes to his place and sees everywhere those signs of love for another woman, she won’t be amazed for sure. Moreover, this is the perfect way to push a potential match away since such shrines to the past mean a person isn’t ready for the future.
Thus, widowers who are really ready and eager to open their hearts to another woman will do it. They will get rid of all the shrines of their late wife (for example, sell her car, change the house’s design, take down her photos), and they will never let the past spoil their future.
Here, the most problematic aspect is that men feel very quickly whether they want to spend a lifetime with a definite woman. In the majority of cases, maximum a year is enough for a man to decide if he considers a woman a potential life-long partner. And widowers aren’t an exception to this rule.
Therefore, if a widower is always making up some reasons, it means the only thing: he isn’t ready for a new relationship. Or it implies that a definite woman hasn’t moved his heart, that’s why he is reluctant to commit. Anyway, remember the following: if a person isn’t into you, let them go. Just look around and you will see how many worthy partners are there around.